emotional rescue

I just adopted an 8 year old Saint Bernard. Her name is Daisy Mae (Mae Mae) and she is amaezing! (see how I did that) She's 96 pounds and all love - does not drool and generally just likes to be by my side all day long. Luckily I work from home.

I haven't had a dog since I was a kid. I loved my dog - Barney - but one day he just disappeared and never came home.

Over the years I've had 7 cats (Eliot, Daisy, Harlequin, Llyon, Quita, Cookie and Snowball), a lop-eared rabbit named Claudia (omg she was the cutest thing ever), 2 cockatiels, 2 finches, 1 piranha, 1 boa constrictor, 1 python, gold fish, 2 ferrets (Roxy and Leo).

I think I have a thing about rescuing things. I look at all of those Syrian refugees and want to develop a program that pairs people like me to refugee families needing a home. Personally I would open my home to a family - as long as they had government assistance I could happily provide them with a home - lord knows I don't even use half my house.

I know it's crazy in a way but think of how awesome it would be to help those beautiful people.

I've been thinking a lot about Jesus lately. I'm not religious (I'm spiritual - lol) but this County Clerk in Kentucky who was jailed for refusing to grant marriage certificates to same sex couples got me thinking. On the one hand I think it's such a perverse translation of Christianity to pass judgment. Wasn't Christ all about acceptance. Wasn't he born in a barn because no one would take his poor pregnant mother in? I see this form of Christianity that they are teaching as bastardized (no pun intended) as the beliefs of radical islam - and systematically no less dangerous.

On the other hand, there should be a law in place that deals with her conscious objection without putting her in jail. Talk about an overreaction and ironic - since martyrdom is synonymous with Christianity. Or something like that.

I was raised Catholic. Received communion, confirmation... all seven sacraments (most I can't recall off the top of my head). I loved the stories of Jesus and how he was so forgiving and caring of the less fortunate. To see the supporters of this County Clerk defend her you would think she was jailed for refusing to do something loving. This one woman I saw interviewed on the news was so proud of this woman and her faith for "standing up for what was right"... and I found it surreal. Very much like the Twilight Zone.

It's 4 am and I can't sleep. This is what I think about between redesigning my kitchen/living room to be open concept.

I want to evangelize the evangelicals. Whoever has been teaching those Christians are evil.

I love the Pope Francis. I'll be in Italy when he comes to the east coast - probably at the Vatican - so excited!

No, I never go to church, I don't call myself a Catholic or Christian anymore but I believe in the stories I was taught about how Jesus loved... and I have to say that the core of who I am is just that... and that is totally not to say that I am not flawed or wrong sometimes or don't believe in other religions but the things that I believe all come down to those basic principals.

Love unto others ...

Oquossoc, Maine

Day 5 on Lake Mooselookmeguntic and the weather has been beautiful. Kayaked to and from Haines landing (about 7 miles) yesterday when the lake was the most placid I've ever seen. So quiet and calm. At one point I stopped to watch three Loons and listen to their eerily beautiful sounds echoing over the Lake and against Bald Mountain. It's what "they" call a magical moment. 

Give me Strength

It's my working title.

I have no idea why you would care to read what I have to say but God Bless!

I just wrote a scathing email to the GM of a car dealership where I received horrendous customer service. I don't want to go into the details right now but lets just say I have been stewing on it for months and finally decided I had to write in and complain.

Bottom line is - poor customer service is one thing, it happens - but horrible customer service must be flagged - for the decency of professional customer service representatives out there.

I nice glass of red wine and the sound of the cicadas - calms me down.

How 'bout that debate last night! huh?! Donald Trump threatening Megan Kelly! I was insulted as a woman and I don't even like her. So pretty though!

I liked Kasich the most (if I had to chose) but I think Huckabee and Scott Walker were completely frightening, Rand Paul sounded like a petulant child, Marco Rubio is too young and inexperienced, Chris Christie has lost credibility. The rest I don't remember.

The whole abortion thing freaks me out. Not once do any of these "pro-lifers" mention the lives of the women who are CENTRAL to the discussion. These "oh, let's not have the government interfere, regulate, (God-forbid) take away our guns" are totally fine with controlling a woman's right to chose.

Did you ever read the Handmaid's tale. I don't know why it reminds me of that but it does.

I DO think people should be educated! Yes! I do think that women need access to all kinds of birth control! yes! I do believe that if I got raped that I should be able to take the morning after pill. I do believe that women deserve affordable, convenient access to women's clinics.

The idea that these politicians are even involved in this conversation is disgusting to me. How about we make Erectile Disfunction a major topic in the country. How about making it a point that masturbation is a genocide of innocent pre-humans! after all - a sperm is a form of human life.

omg! what! really? I must be craaaazzzyyy!

another subject...I'm kind of on a roll here.

On a happier note - I am probably the happiest I've ever been in my life. I know, my ranting above begs to differ but it's true. I just booked a trip to Italy with my Mom, niece and second cousin. All girls ;). I booked all the flights, apartments (AirBNB) and rental car and will be traveling to Rome mid September, flying to Sicily and traveling around until the 28th, the day before my 50th birthday.

Super excited!

I lost a bunch of weight in the past 7 months and have resumed working out - which is awesome! After 4 straight days I already feel the difference.

I just got back from weeks of "vacation" where I traveling to Maine for 2 weeks, Long Island, Tampa and St. Pete Beach and back home. Actually loved Tampa! I met some very nice people that my husband needed to meet for business - and stayed at these awesome boutique hotels: Hotel Zamora in St. Pete beach and Le Meridien in Tampa. In St Pete we had dinner at this historic grand hotel - Don Cesar... it's this giant pink "castle-like" building on the beach that I didn't book a room in because I wanted something NEW - but the dinner we had there the last night in St Pete was super amazing. The Maritana. We had the tasting menu - with the wine pairing and it was perfect. Loved the waiter too. It's a must if you're in town. Hotel Zamora was beautiful and the price we paid through Groupon was even better - $129 per night was good. I actually got a lot of work done during some tropical storm that I think is still going on down there.

Le Meridien was right in the center of the city. It is a converted historic old bank. Big marble columns, wide halls, big heavy doors... very nicely decorated. I loved it. The scent in the lobby was memorable too. We had lunch in a few little places within walking distance and were very impressed. great tacos!

But it is great to be home. Sitting in the "lower" screened in gazebo - laying on the couch... I am a very lucky person in this world - and I recognize and appreciate it.

I watch the news and wonder if somehow we could get the world to stop fighting and hating on each other and it just brings me back to the old saying that children learn how to be by their parents and the environments they live in... this government we have is full of disrespect. They teach their constituents to be disrespectful and untrusting... they incite bigotry, rascism, classism. They are bullied by the NRA and big corporations, banks, wealthy donors...

we reap what we sow. I am no Rhodes Scholar, but even I can see it... Donald Trump is a blowhard but the one thing he does not have that everyone else does... is fear.

Trash and Vaudeville

I just finished cleaning out my office and my son's room. I only scratched the proverbial surface of my son's room by at least being able to walk into it and not be completely horrified.

He's a hoarder for sure. Love him dearly and maybe he's just a typical boy - but omg he's a pack rat. 

Deflated balloons from his birthday party, empty glasses, bowls and silverware from bowls of breakfast cereal, Mac and cheese, plates of chicken nuggets with leftover ketchup. How is this child related to me?!

I keep the door closed so that I don't see the filth but I know it's there and I know that at some point I have to go into that hovel and purge. If only I could completely tile it and hose it down periodically with a disinfectant solution using a power washer - ahhh that would be satisfying.

Oh, he likes when it's clean - don't get me wrong! Loves going in there after I've hauled out the trash bags. He just doesn't love it enough to clean it himself.

Love that kid - truly.

dear diary

Good: 

I woke up yesterday

wanting more creative freedom.

I left a major client

who took too much time

away from

sarinablackheart.

Immediately after I left

I felt a burst of energy, ideas and enthusiasm about this

new found freedom.

Like a rush of dopamine

moving through your brain

when you fall in love.

Immediately addictive.

I won't waste that.

I'm grateful for for 28 consecutive years and couldn't ever imagine

doing anything else.

I'll give it a 7.

Bad:

You work crazy hours to meet  unnecessarily truncated lead times

in the development process. 

I'm not a litigator but ignorance

saps my creativity.

It starts to feel like work

instead of something I love.

Like I do it just

for the money. 

heartless.

IMHO many businesses

have no idea

what they are doing. 

Wondering why brands 

as if by magic

don't just

sell themselves.

Someone told me recently that their company was looking for a graphic designer without an ego. Really?!   

Back to good: 

I am loving playing my guitar and look forward to getting my custom sarinablackheart Martin guitar.

It should be ready by December.

My lessons are going well

and I've come to the conclusion

that the more I learn the harder it is...

or - the more I learn the more

I realize how much I don't know. 

12 bar blues is still tough for me.

My new most hated chord is the B. It seems impossible.

I'm almost in the market for a puppy!

and I've also been designing my new open concept kitchen/living room renovation and hoping we get to start it soon!!! I watch way too much HGTV. 

Patience. 

I witnessed a bat having babies

and recorded it on my iPhone.

I especially like that my son and I

narrate it. It's unscripted, funny and it makes the video.

I write this thing like I'm writing a diary don't I? Just trying to reach deeper.

Past | Future

Me | You

You | I

Us | Them

...more Manichaeisms

Remember Brillo?

I was in a cleaning frenzy yesterday. Those unfortunately rare occurences where I become temporarily OCD. Scrubbing the pots making dinner that night, I was so thorough and detailed, used much more soap than I needed and left no crumb uncovered. It felt great while doing it. I can't imagine being that way everyday. In the middle of this frenzy i remembered a friend of mine who I hadn't seen in a while and it made me smile. I wonder I'll remember them in 20 years or will it just fade from my mind and disappear. 

I was married once before. I haven't seen nor heard from my ex-husband in over 20 years. That is incredible to me. It's as if our relationship ceased to exist except that a star was named after my then married name and presented to me by Elizabeth Taylor thanking me for being a part in the design and launch of one of her fragrances "Black Pearls". Funny. 

Freedom

0 | 1
on | off
yes | no

I passed the tipping point

A victory and a surrender

I let go

And now I soar

I was in it for so long

Optimistic

It was like the light came on

The sun came out

And allowed me to see

The truth

I was in it for a while

Now I'm out

Black and white

Victory and Surrender

On or off?