Perspective

defining yourself

09.23.13

Took this picture yesterday on my ride. Could be just any body of water I guess, but it's actually the South Branch of the Raritan River - at the YMCA Camp Carr, along Hamden Road.

I've been thinking about what it means to define yourself and if it's possible  do that at all, with all of the layers of things that make you who you are: your job, your clothes, your environment, your family... and if all those things were not there, then who are you really? I realized that I have always defined myself by my job. Threw my whole self into it, where it became who I was. My life is different now. As a freelance designer the job is me, I am it and the definition of myself is important. I guess I am rebelling against the need to commit to that definition.

There's a poem I love called "By Heart" by John Hollander that my sister in law introduced to me years ago...

http://archives.newyorker.com/?i=2000-10-30#folio=054

I'm reading "Present Shock" currently, by Douglas Rushkoff... enjoying it and feeling a little bit better about my current aversion from everything digitally social. Not sure how the book is going to end but I read at least 20 minutes a day - along with my 9 year old who sits next to me reading "The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe" as his mandatory 20 minute a day reading assignment.

I'm getting my photograph taken tomorrow to hopefully replace the one that I have posted above... I'm hoping I like it better. It's funny how I took that selfie... standing at the bar at Tao (58th Street, NYC) having a martini with my good friend Shivani. I am totally NOT photogenic, so when I find one I like, I stick to it and sometimes I get lucky. But it's such a poor quality photo... all blown out - which may be a good thing ;). The thing I like about it is that the eyes so accurately depict me.

finding my soul

09.03.13

My mood is like the weather today, grey and cloudy. I thinks it's that end of the summer blues thing... I'd been taking almost daily bike rides to and from Clinton - but today I wasn't feeling great and thought I'd take a break. The ride is incredible - it's a 16 mile ride through winding roads interspersed with trees and farms - some with horses, some with sheep  - riding along one of the branches of the Raritan river and ending up at the Red Mill in Clinton for a mango/peach smoothie. It's very hilly and sometimes they are quite a challenge, but I love that feeling of pushing myself that way and going downhill is always a blessing.  

#loveyourself

08.13.13

I think it's important to know what's important in life and where you stand on the road not taken. I think that if you follow your heart with the choices you make then you will end up #netpositive.

#timeflies

07.28.13

I just got a new computer. It's an iMac with a few terrabytes of memory - which I can't fathom filling up - but gives me a strange sense of calm.

I set it up in my bedroom - which is the favorite room of my house - spacious, simple - black and white with a really ornate chandelier with and lots of windows and natural light.

My windows are open to the tall trees surrounding us and the sounds of the cicadas are pulsing outside after a heavy downpour. Very peaceful. It reminds me of the long summer days growing up on Long Island.

My first computer was a Mac II si. At the time (1990) it was "state of the art" with 20 mhz of speed and a maximum (!) 65 MB of RAM (I think I had 5).

I had a bootlegged copy of Adobe Illustrator and taught myself how to use it. That was 23 years ago. I had to take out a small loan to buy that computer - and it cost more than this machine.  Back then I had no idea what my life would be like way into the future, but I did know that the computer would be a big part of it.

Last week I was joking with my team at work telling them that when I started out - we didn't have computers. They couldn't understand the concept but back then we had to be able to render 5 pt type with a paint brush when we were designing. Everything took 100 times longer and the materials you had to use were cancer causing.  Rubber Cement, Bestine rubber cement thinner, Photostat camera chemicals... Xacto blades, Rapidograph pens that needed endless cleaning.

I haven't picked up a paintbrush in quite a while.

Manichaeism

06.16.13

I like clear and simplistic. I'm not crazy about ambiguity, either you are in or you are out. Whenever I come across a situation that bothers me I tend to try to simplify it, as if in its simplification my mind is put at ease.

He loves me - he loves me not... to be or not to be... I hate not knowing! I don't like wondering and I feel like I am wondering all the time.

It's about balance.  It's about the purity of the words too - they mean what they mean and that's it.  I'm a fan of the absolute

Girls

03.17.13

Life's been crazy busy for me this year so far! Going on 2 months at my new company and much like every major change in my life, it has been wrought with emotion. Sometimes I wonder if most people are as affected by these things the way I am or if it's just that they are better at managing how they feel on the outside.

For the first time in my life I am surrounded by girls - women... and I am so happily surprised at how much I love it. I was brought up in a household where the men dominated. Two older brothers and a father with "that Italian temper"... my mother never argued, even if she disagreed. So, I became comfortable with that and now with my own family of boys, I am comfortable still - always thinking that not only did I understand boys better, but that I related to them and was more like a boy mentally than most girls I knew.

In my previous positions, there were always men - usually in upper management positions - and I was always comfortable with that, with them - they did not intimidate me. (they were not even close to growing up with my father!)

And here I am in this new place. There are a few 20 somethings and a few 30 somethings and they are all amazing in their own way. The 20 somethings make me laugh with their hashtag infused commentary on life - beautiful, young but ultimately good hearted and positive. The 30 somethings are a bit more ambitious and serious. I am in awe of their drive and determination, at their learning how to juggle family and the workplace and their patience with me... "miss emotionality".

Where do I fit in? I am older then they, yet I don't mentally feel older - maybe wiser (like Yoda) lol?

I am definitely inspired by the energy and feel very creative - if only I had more hours in the day and some help - but that will eventually come and in the meantime I am loving the people and the spectacular view we have of downtown NYC!

Straight or Curly.

01.20.13

I just started a new position at this awesome company. I haven't felt this excited in a very long time. Such a time of possibility and opportunity - truly amazing and wonderful. I've been spending a lot of time learning about make-up, it being a cosmetics company - which is interesting because I am learning a whole new level of girlie-ness. Eye brows, eye lashes, the whole nine! So, I ask... do I straighten my hair or leave it curly? (see photo on left).

Hoarders.

I know how popular the show GIRLS is, I love it too! How can you not? With all of Hannah's quirkiness... Huge fan. Of course the writing is great, but I'm fascinated by Hannahs nudity.  Finally!, some reality. Her figure is so much more interesting than most you see on tv or the movie screen...but I love Hoarders too! Makes me cry everytime! These hoarders, filling the voids, distracting themselves, hiding underneath endless amounts of stuff - I think to avoid looking at themselves and dealing with life. Its so great when their places are all cleaned up and they can start over - a fresh start.  I watch a lot of television, just wait! lol

Change is good.

12.02.12

I'm in the process of teaching myself a new song. I know enough chords to find songs I can actually play and now I know about 20 songs - but after playing the same songs over and over - I just needed a new challenge.

The new song I chose to learn is called "It's Only Life" by the Shins.

I first heard the song in August. I had just landed in the US after traveling back from China on a 14 hour flight.

Shanghai was beautiful but I was on business, alone in a country that primarily does not speak English. I was homesick. I missed my family, my life. I tried to make best of the down time but it's not like New York City, where you can walk out of the hotel and onto the street and just walk and observe anonymously... Its not a walking city.

I had these dumplings that I never had before. Little steamed purses with a morsel of pork, or crab, or beef with a smaller teaspoon or so amount of broth at the bottom. They were incredible. I've been trying to find them in NY, if anyone knows where I can get some, contact me.

I had a martini at the bar on the 85th floor of The Hyatt Regency, where I was staying for the week. What a view. The famous skyline of Shanghai is pretty spectacular and I was right in the middle of it all.

I took a 3-hour mini tour of Shanghai and saw Confucious' Temple. The tour guide had no idea that American's use Confucious as a euphemism for phrases of wisdom, often found in fortune cookies. There, I enjoyed a tea cermony and learned that I like Oolong Tea more than any other.

I went to a market in the old city, where there was beautiful Yu Garden, and a museum and presentation on silkworms and silk production.

On the plane I put my headphones on and watched and listened to a lot of movies and music. It's only life came on just as we touched down and I just cried. It's a beautiful tune and I am learning how to play it now... with my husband playing back up vocals and piano.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi7aVsmH_eo"