#tmi

How do you know how much to share? How do you remain authentic and real if you have to carefully word what you say so as to not say too much? Is it fear of judgment? I struggle with this. Years ago I had an anonymous blog (since deleted) that I felt free to write whatever I was thinking. I wrote about very controversial things - freely, without fear because no one could know it was me - I was anonymous and it was powerful. Now I struggle.

Fame definitely has its pitfalls for sure. I joined twitter recently and seem to be finding a voice here and there... who am I and who do I want to be? I think if I was in my 20s I might be asking myself that question - yet here I am middle aged and I still do not feel like the adult in most situations. I typically think everyone is slightly older than me - its funny.

So, I'm just going to ramble for a while and try to get some kind of groove going.

My husband and I like to spend time in the hot tub outside in the middle of winter. Nights like tonight, with the snow covering the ground and the clear dark skies twinkling with stars and the moon was especially serene and beautiful. We use the time to think creatively and we often come up with some of our best ideas there. We play off each others strengths - he being a creative big data solutions consultant with my design background - its an interesting compliment, those two seemingly disparate backgrounds.

We first met 20 years ago when we both worked for Elizabeth Arden when it was on Avenue of the Americas at 55th street. I was a Design Associate working for the Design Director for the Prestige Fragrance division of the Creative Department. He was my admin assistant (he loves this story) and I completely seduced him - lol.

It's true of course - there was something about this guy that made me want to know everything about him... its a long story for another post... but I felt like I was completely self expressed around him. I could say or do anything and it was ok - he never judged me and I think that it was the first time in my life that I felt that way. I was 28.

I left my first husband of 4 years, I got my belly button pierced - bought rollerblades - moved back to the city and lived on my own in an apartment for the first time in my life - I felt completely free and it was a beautiful thing.