I just rejoined facebook after almost a year of abandoning it. I've written before about why I don't like it, but it kept coming up..."did you see so and so on facebook?"So I rejoined. I still don't like it. I don't know what to say. It doesn't feel like my forum. I'm better here, blogging about whatever and only having people read it - who really want to read it.
and trust me - no one reads it (but you)
No one wants to hear how much I love my awesome car, what kind of music I like, the latest restaurant I went to, the last movie I saw... where I went on vacation, or photos of me (god forbid)... do they? and if they do, why?!! Most people don't like the music I like and vice versa. I'm passionate about my music I would love it if I could find those people who are equally passionate about it.
I was thinking that if my car were a person she'd be Michelle Rodriguez... then I changed my mind. Michelle is more like my Z4. She was beautiful and tough, didn't take any shit... kicked ass.
My Boxster is more sarinablackheart - tough, but softer, sweeter, and a bit more elevated style-wise. She's quietly superior to the Z4. She pampers herself and likes to cruise rather than drag race, she doesn't like competition but she'll race you for fun.
My therapist would have a field day with that one.. Ka-ching!
Truth is, I still think of myself as a bit of a misfit. It's how I see myself. I've always felt that way too... even as a child. I did not like playing with the other kids. I found it boring and predictable. I thought their conversation were stupid and a waste of time. Come to think of it, that's the same way I feel about small talk today.As a child, I spent a lot of time by myself drawing princess dresses and castles, coloring in my Altair designs book with my new set of magic markers and making barbie doll clothes. I had a few close friends from time to time but I always felt different somehow - like a misfit from the island of misfit toys.
Risk averse. I am a contradiction aren't I. An extroverted introvert. My therapist told me that I might be an "excitement junky"- what? really!? how did he come up with that one?
I love being home, the quiet. My favorite times are sitting in my bedroom and playing my guitar or working on some design. That or going to a beach resort and sitting on the beach all day with a good book and a Mojito. Don't even ask me if I want to go out partying at night because I will say hell no.
I did love to dance though. I used to go to all the clubs including Area, Danceteria, Limelight back in the 80s when Kenny Sharf and Keith Haring, Andy Warhol were hanging out in NYC. Way before Guiliani's gentrification, when the cabs wouldn't even go to the lower east side. I would spend hours and hours on the dance floor - a little water - and back to dancing. I could dance for 10 hours straight I loved it so much. But dancing was very solitary to me. I would dance with my girlfriends but I was alone in my head - loving the way the music pulsed all around me.
I just found a book about Area
http://www.amazon.com/Area-1983-1987-Eric-Goode/dp/081097276X
One of my favorite songs to dance to was "Set it off"- Strafe. The DJ would play an extended back beat and it was so great.
http://youtu.be/dqteaZ64unA
He has me on his radar to sell me a Martin (ie; expensive well regarded guitar). So, I gave him the task of finding a very specific one. I want a stained black Martin with a small body - that plays well and costs under 1K. I don't think he'll find the one I want because I'm not compromising on this one. If he can find that for me - maybe I will buy it for my next birthday.
I'm hoping to go to Italy this year for my birthday...haven't been there since 1989... yeesh!
omg! I just saw the clip of Annie Lennox at the Grammys and it was so awesome I cried. Incredible.
http://youtu.be/HZEChv1AaOk
once again, I'm inspired by you
ReplyDeleteSharon, I believe after reading your post that we may have been separated at birth. Or maybe just sisters from different mothers. Have you ever done the Myers-Briggs personality test? It's fun to do, I will try to remember to bring it next time I come to your oasis. I learned from the results that I am what I like to call a shy extrovert. That is, someone who is highly social yet extremely averse to bullshit chit chat. I cannot stand chatting with strangers about meaningless topics. Usually at parties I will only hang out with people I know, because I am too shy to seek out (threatening) strangers. If I am forced to talk to people I don't know, I'll babble excitedly about who knows what, then realize I have nothing left to say and sort of stand there, awkwardly, then withdraw, equally awkwardly.
ReplyDeletePeople I know cannot believe that I am really shy, but I no longer try and fight that or deny that quality in myself. Like so many other things about myself, I am working towards acceptance. Of even the most unacceptable (to me) elements of my self.
It's a lifelong journey, obviously.
You mentioned loving to dance at clubs in your dancing days. Me too. And I had a similar connection to dancing as you did. I preferred to dance with myself, to experience the music and the movement with my whole body, without the distraction of focusing on someone else, the way they danced, whether or not there was some other agenda going on (if there was a potential to go home with someone, for example). No, I wanted to do one thing and one thing only: to get lost in the entire sensory experience of dancing, to feel the music, be the music, and be totally consumed by it.
I still think of that feeling with happy memories. My favorite club to go to dance was The Ritz. I loved that place bc you never had to be overly concerned with looking right, wearing the right clothes, etc. No velvet rope, no scene, really. Freaky people like me felt welcome there. I was an odd combo of hippie/punk rocker, long hair when everyone buzzed theirs, or had asymmetrical, multicolored hair, leather jeans, leather jackets, and long brown hair.
I had friends from so many different scenes, but fit into none of them.
thank you for bringing my awareness back to those times, bc they were a very important part of my growth. Now that I am smarter and far less elf conscious and awkward, it might be even more fun to get out there and trance out, if only my 52 year old joints would play along....