#blackfish

I saw this documentary about Orca whales at Sea World. You must see it, it is devastating an will make you not want to ever go to Sea World and might make you an activist in the movement to set the whales free...

Rather than give you a step by step of the documentary - just know this, the whales are used to swimming in oceans not pools of water. Being stolen from your parent or having your own offspring taken away from you, being held in these pools for decades will make you psychotic. It's just wrong and people need to know about it so that they can make their own decisions.

I recently joined twitter and have been retweeting this sentiment - and posted one of my own. Sea World is starting an ad campaign to counteract the avalanche of negative publicity and part of that is claiming that all of us who post and tweet are part of a "coordinated effort" by animal activists to destroy Sea World.

I understand their issue, they are going to go out of business if they don't get a handle on this blackfish onslaught. They have families to feed and bills to pay after all. I get it. But the fact remains that these animals should never have been taken from the ocean and they should never have to live out their lives trapped in a container - it's inhumane and this should be enough.

go to http://blackfishmovie.com/
and watch the trailer. I've heard that you can also see it on netflix.

#tmi

How do you know how much to share? How do you remain authentic and real if you have to carefully word what you say so as to not say too much? Is it fear of judgment? I struggle with this. Years ago I had an anonymous blog (since deleted) that I felt free to write whatever I was thinking. I wrote about very controversial things - freely, without fear because no one could know it was me - I was anonymous and it was powerful. Now I struggle.

Fame definitely has its pitfalls for sure. I joined twitter recently and seem to be finding a voice here and there... who am I and who do I want to be? I think if I was in my 20s I might be asking myself that question - yet here I am middle aged and I still do not feel like the adult in most situations. I typically think everyone is slightly older than me - its funny.

So, I'm just going to ramble for a while and try to get some kind of groove going.

My husband and I like to spend time in the hot tub outside in the middle of winter. Nights like tonight, with the snow covering the ground and the clear dark skies twinkling with stars and the moon was especially serene and beautiful. We use the time to think creatively and we often come up with some of our best ideas there. We play off each others strengths - he being a creative big data solutions consultant with my design background - its an interesting compliment, those two seemingly disparate backgrounds.

We first met 20 years ago when we both worked for Elizabeth Arden when it was on Avenue of the Americas at 55th street. I was a Design Associate working for the Design Director for the Prestige Fragrance division of the Creative Department. He was my admin assistant (he loves this story) and I completely seduced him - lol.

It's true of course - there was something about this guy that made me want to know everything about him... its a long story for another post... but I felt like I was completely self expressed around him. I could say or do anything and it was ok - he never judged me and I think that it was the first time in my life that I felt that way. I was 28.

I left my first husband of 4 years, I got my belly button pierced - bought rollerblades - moved back to the city and lived on my own in an apartment for the first time in my life - I felt completely free and it was a beautiful thing.

Catching Fire

One of my ideas was stolen. I'm a little upset about it and it is more than likely possible that it wasn't "stolen" - that someone had the same idea that I had and ran with it first... thing is, it's a great idea.

When I was getting my bachelors degree at the Fashion Institute of Technology - back in the mid 80s when Madonna was at her peak and we used to go to clubs like Danceteria, Area and Limelight on a regular basis, one of my senior projects was to pick a Brand and come up with your own brand that competes directly with it. We would have to create a business plan, marketing plan, brand identity and merchandising.

I picked Victorias Secret. 

Fast forward 30 years (yikes!) later and this dream of creating a brand that competes with VS is still there. Think about it for a second. How many stores compete with VS directly? Why is that? It's as if they cornered the market on lingerie. I think the brand does a lot of things right but it feels dated and a mess. 

I know that the brand I created would be better. It would probably cost more too, but it would be fresh and new - and the lingerie would be special and be made with the best materials.

I am so on fire with ideas right now I am going to burst. Let's see what happens... you just have to keep taking one step forward at a time, don't you? 

I want these shoes!

Stream of Consciousness

I'm learning so much everyday - it would be overwhelming if it weren't so interesting. Excited about all the new projects I'm working on and the Digital Marketing class I've been taking.

I'm in the middle of designing a brand of chocolates.

I met this guy who owns a candy company who needed someone to design some packaging for a new brand that he wants to develop. I met him at the Saddle Brook Diner in New Jersey one Sunday morning a few weeks ago and we hit it off. He told me the story behind the name of the brand. It's all about his dear love of a friend that he's had for over 30 years, that just passed away. Sweet sweet story about real friendship, love and tradition.

I can't reveal the name until it launches, but the packaging I designed is beautiful and the chocolate itself is so delicious, my whole family keeps eating all of the samples he sends me! All natural dark chocolate - so, so good! Can't wait to share it.

I'm also revamping a cosmetics line. I met this wonderful woman in Manhattan and we discovered that we actually worked with each other in the past. About 20 years ago when I worked for the Spice Market designing and developing packaging for their home fragrances and potpourri. What's perfect is that I feel like I've known her all this time - and I know that I can really improve the packaging of her collection.

Next week I have a few meetings with other potential clients that are even more diverse, challenging and fun! I have so many ideas already.

My dream is to eventually start my own line. It'll happen, I can feel it happening already...

Overall. my life is better than its ever been and I could not have predicted or manipulated it that way, it's purely organic - just the way I like it.

Funny thing though... a few years ago I was able to write so much in my blog! It was an endless stream of consciousness and now I'm finding it difficult to let it go. I want to get back to that place and tell it like it is with no fear of judgement about what and how I say something. It's a goal of mine to get there again.

Free Stuff

Someone stole the bus bench again.

We live on a corner of a cul-de-sac, in a heavily wooded suburban part of a nice town in New Jersey. The bench was for the kids bus stop and sat on the corner down a big hill in front of our house.

About 6 months ago, a nice "wrought-iron" style bench [we thought] was mistakenly taken as something that was left out for free. Annoyingly, we purposefully placed a large planter next to it to avoid any misunderstanding after my neighbor, a retired 94 year old army colonel, told us that he had thwarted the thievery on more than a few occasions already.

It didn't work. Next we placed one of the benches from our old wooden picnic table with the thinking that "no one will want this thing" - we were mistaken. Gone again.

My kids and I are thinking of rigging up some elaborate booby trap for the next set of thieves - something to embarrass them - like spraying them with (non-toxic) glow in the dark liquid and triggering a light to illuminate them with a voice that announces that they have been caught. Ha! that would be funny.

Perspective

defining yourself

09.23.13

Took this picture yesterday on my ride. Could be just any body of water I guess, but it's actually the South Branch of the Raritan River - at the YMCA Camp Carr, along Hamden Road.

I've been thinking about what it means to define yourself and if it's possible  do that at all, with all of the layers of things that make you who you are: your job, your clothes, your environment, your family... and if all those things were not there, then who are you really? I realized that I have always defined myself by my job. Threw my whole self into it, where it became who I was. My life is different now. As a freelance designer the job is me, I am it and the definition of myself is important. I guess I am rebelling against the need to commit to that definition.

There's a poem I love called "By Heart" by John Hollander that my sister in law introduced to me years ago...

http://archives.newyorker.com/?i=2000-10-30#folio=054

I'm reading "Present Shock" currently, by Douglas Rushkoff... enjoying it and feeling a little bit better about my current aversion from everything digitally social. Not sure how the book is going to end but I read at least 20 minutes a day - along with my 9 year old who sits next to me reading "The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe" as his mandatory 20 minute a day reading assignment.

I'm getting my photograph taken tomorrow to hopefully replace the one that I have posted above... I'm hoping I like it better. It's funny how I took that selfie... standing at the bar at Tao (58th Street, NYC) having a martini with my good friend Shivani. I am totally NOT photogenic, so when I find one I like, I stick to it and sometimes I get lucky. But it's such a poor quality photo... all blown out - which may be a good thing ;). The thing I like about it is that the eyes so accurately depict me.

finding my soul

09.03.13

My mood is like the weather today, grey and cloudy. I thinks it's that end of the summer blues thing... I'd been taking almost daily bike rides to and from Clinton - but today I wasn't feeling great and thought I'd take a break. The ride is incredible - it's a 16 mile ride through winding roads interspersed with trees and farms - some with horses, some with sheep  - riding along one of the branches of the Raritan river and ending up at the Red Mill in Clinton for a mango/peach smoothie. It's very hilly and sometimes they are quite a challenge, but I love that feeling of pushing myself that way and going downhill is always a blessing.  

#loveyourself

08.13.13

I think it's important to know what's important in life and where you stand on the road not taken. I think that if you follow your heart with the choices you make then you will end up #netpositive.

#timeflies

07.28.13

I just got a new computer. It's an iMac with a few terrabytes of memory - which I can't fathom filling up - but gives me a strange sense of calm.

I set it up in my bedroom - which is the favorite room of my house - spacious, simple - black and white with a really ornate chandelier with and lots of windows and natural light.

My windows are open to the tall trees surrounding us and the sounds of the cicadas are pulsing outside after a heavy downpour. Very peaceful. It reminds me of the long summer days growing up on Long Island.

My first computer was a Mac II si. At the time (1990) it was "state of the art" with 20 mhz of speed and a maximum (!) 65 MB of RAM (I think I had 5).

I had a bootlegged copy of Adobe Illustrator and taught myself how to use it. That was 23 years ago. I had to take out a small loan to buy that computer - and it cost more than this machine.  Back then I had no idea what my life would be like way into the future, but I did know that the computer would be a big part of it.

Last week I was joking with my team at work telling them that when I started out - we didn't have computers. They couldn't understand the concept but back then we had to be able to render 5 pt type with a paint brush when we were designing. Everything took 100 times longer and the materials you had to use were cancer causing.  Rubber Cement, Bestine rubber cement thinner, Photostat camera chemicals... Xacto blades, Rapidograph pens that needed endless cleaning.

I haven't picked up a paintbrush in quite a while.

Manichaeism

06.16.13

I like clear and simplistic. I'm not crazy about ambiguity, either you are in or you are out. Whenever I come across a situation that bothers me I tend to try to simplify it, as if in its simplification my mind is put at ease.

He loves me - he loves me not... to be or not to be... I hate not knowing! I don't like wondering and I feel like I am wondering all the time.

It's about balance.  It's about the purity of the words too - they mean what they mean and that's it.  I'm a fan of the absolute

Girls

03.17.13

Life's been crazy busy for me this year so far! Going on 2 months at my new company and much like every major change in my life, it has been wrought with emotion. Sometimes I wonder if most people are as affected by these things the way I am or if it's just that they are better at managing how they feel on the outside.

For the first time in my life I am surrounded by girls - women... and I am so happily surprised at how much I love it. I was brought up in a household where the men dominated. Two older brothers and a father with "that Italian temper"... my mother never argued, even if she disagreed. So, I became comfortable with that and now with my own family of boys, I am comfortable still - always thinking that not only did I understand boys better, but that I related to them and was more like a boy mentally than most girls I knew.

In my previous positions, there were always men - usually in upper management positions - and I was always comfortable with that, with them - they did not intimidate me. (they were not even close to growing up with my father!)

And here I am in this new place. There are a few 20 somethings and a few 30 somethings and they are all amazing in their own way. The 20 somethings make me laugh with their hashtag infused commentary on life - beautiful, young but ultimately good hearted and positive. The 30 somethings are a bit more ambitious and serious. I am in awe of their drive and determination, at their learning how to juggle family and the workplace and their patience with me... "miss emotionality".

Where do I fit in? I am older then they, yet I don't mentally feel older - maybe wiser (like Yoda) lol?

I am definitely inspired by the energy and feel very creative - if only I had more hours in the day and some help - but that will eventually come and in the meantime I am loving the people and the spectacular view we have of downtown NYC!

Straight or Curly.

01.20.13

I just started a new position at this awesome company. I haven't felt this excited in a very long time. Such a time of possibility and opportunity - truly amazing and wonderful. I've been spending a lot of time learning about make-up, it being a cosmetics company - which is interesting because I am learning a whole new level of girlie-ness. Eye brows, eye lashes, the whole nine! So, I ask... do I straighten my hair or leave it curly? (see photo on left).

Hoarders.

I know how popular the show GIRLS is, I love it too! How can you not? With all of Hannah's quirkiness... Huge fan. Of course the writing is great, but I'm fascinated by Hannahs nudity.  Finally!, some reality. Her figure is so much more interesting than most you see on tv or the movie screen...but I love Hoarders too! Makes me cry everytime! These hoarders, filling the voids, distracting themselves, hiding underneath endless amounts of stuff - I think to avoid looking at themselves and dealing with life. Its so great when their places are all cleaned up and they can start over - a fresh start.  I watch a lot of television, just wait! lol

Change is good.

12.02.12

I'm in the process of teaching myself a new song. I know enough chords to find songs I can actually play and now I know about 20 songs - but after playing the same songs over and over - I just needed a new challenge.

The new song I chose to learn is called "It's Only Life" by the Shins.

I first heard the song in August. I had just landed in the US after traveling back from China on a 14 hour flight.

Shanghai was beautiful but I was on business, alone in a country that primarily does not speak English. I was homesick. I missed my family, my life. I tried to make best of the down time but it's not like New York City, where you can walk out of the hotel and onto the street and just walk and observe anonymously... Its not a walking city.

I had these dumplings that I never had before. Little steamed purses with a morsel of pork, or crab, or beef with a smaller teaspoon or so amount of broth at the bottom. They were incredible. I've been trying to find them in NY, if anyone knows where I can get some, contact me.

I had a martini at the bar on the 85th floor of The Hyatt Regency, where I was staying for the week. What a view. The famous skyline of Shanghai is pretty spectacular and I was right in the middle of it all.

I took a 3-hour mini tour of Shanghai and saw Confucious' Temple. The tour guide had no idea that American's use Confucious as a euphemism for phrases of wisdom, often found in fortune cookies. There, I enjoyed a tea cermony and learned that I like Oolong Tea more than any other.

I went to a market in the old city, where there was beautiful Yu Garden, and a museum and presentation on silkworms and silk production.

On the plane I put my headphones on and watched and listened to a lot of movies and music. It's only life came on just as we touched down and I just cried. It's a beautiful tune and I am learning how to play it now... with my husband playing back up vocals and piano.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi7aVsmH_eo"