shiny BLKHRT new jersey

i love my car

i just brought her home and it's so ridiculous. All pretty in her shiny black shoes.

waiting to be driven and dropped

into 3rd on an entrance ramp to route 287

or wherever I can.

I'm going to kiss her and take a selfie.

not even kidding.

i do think its a crazy love but I don't care

i traded my Z4 for a 2010 porsche boxster

and i'll never look back.

Emergence

I saw this documentary once about the laws of emergence that I come back to from time to time. Go in the same direction - don't get too close - avoid predators

It was on Nova
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/nature/emergence.html

I'm writing this down because it was on my mind while I was falling asleep and I thought I'd better write it down before I forget it.

I've been trying to keep my mind occupied to keep from getting obsessed about my "newer" car that I'm picking up on Thursday. I'll tell you later ;)

Working on three major design projects - lots of work to do between now and Monday. That and the need to decorate my office in Edison. have to repair the walls, paint and then hang some large format prints I'm having made. I'm think of a lamp too.

Lots to do, and now Im feeling inspired.

Sarinablackheart, design superhero

Wyle E Coyote, Super genius

I love that episode!
http://youtu.be/STeVTzWelns

(no relation to my life,  or the rest of this post - I just love the diabolical way he says his name)

Wish me luck I need that superhero strength the next few weeks.

Sarinablackheart's motto is "love yourself". The collection of gifts are sexy, sophisticated and stylish. Something is launching valentines day 2015... It's still being created.

Inspired design, created by heart.

Beautiful autumn

I'm going record myself playing a song and post it one day soon.  The thought horrifies me - I am way to self conscious. I think it'll be good for me and at the very least amusing. I'll try to channel my inner @lenadunham

I played my Gibson tonight because I recently rediscovered the beautiful tone it has. It's deeper, warmer. I favored my applause because it's black and easier to play. I love playing.

I just found out that I am not he only one having trouble uploading photos on blogger using my mini ipad. It's a thing.

I played "ain't no mountain high enough", "unloveable" and "captain fantastic"

Feeling particularly happy ;)

What's love got to do with it

I probably shouldn't be writing on my lack of sleep. I've been incredibly busy this week. Mostly all creative. It's funny how much thinking it requires and my brain literally hurts - in a good way.

Some days it feels like everything is in its right place (even if it means that it's not what you want) - the planets align and i move glacially yet at the speed of light equally.

I have no idea what that means if anything.

I put together a few presentations that I was very happy with - to sell a collection of bath and body care products that I designed and am developing with a great group of people I work with.

I've just been working on some new projects that I can't share yet - ;)

And  I bought a dress form - finally and found my patent leather oxfords and handbag - and got tickets to see alt-j at the Beacon in November - yay happy birthday to me!!!

xoxo

ordered the iphone 6plus today ;)

what a beautiful day - perfect temperature with a little bit of rain to give the world that freshly washed look.

I'm in a shopping mood - which is rare (good thing), I even looked up bathroom fixtures for the inevitable time when I absolutely have to re-do the main 2nd floor bathroom... this one is as old as the house (built in 66).

Its the calm before the storm in terms of the leaves falling around my house. My house is in the woods and the amount of leaves that fall from now until December is ridiculous.

I like blowing the leaves, I do - but last year I decided that it was going to me be my project to blow all of the leaves (instead of hiring someone to do it for $1500!!).

It's very satisfying - in an OCD kid of way. Clearing the area of every leaf, acorn - wayward rock...
I live on 1.3 acres - and its a major hill from the top of the back yard to the bottom at the corner. I usually run the blower until I run out of gas and if I'm feeling really ambitious I'll fill it twice.

In the end, the tsunami of leaves was too much to bear and I resorted to hiring a service to finish the job. I tried - this year I'll try again.

I'm working on a presentation for Monday. There are no set expectations which are my favorite because I love exceeding them. I love the challenge. The reward I get is seeing actual movement and progress made with the information and ideas that I present.

why so cryptic? I'm not that good at writing?

I had to let a new client go this week. I realized that it just wasn't a good fit for me, no matter how much (or little - in this case) I was making. Are other people intolerant of just making money regardless of how it makes you feel? I can't do that.

She asked me for an explanation and I didn't give her one - just wished her well and moved on. I thought of writing this whole philosophical reason... but I thought that was crazy and unnecessary. I'm just saying no. I think I have that right - if something doesn't feel right.

Before I started my business I had one last full-time position. I learned some really valuable lessons about myself. Stay true to yourself. Always be authentic.

xoxo

alt-j

alt-j left hand free

play it real loud with the top down

it rocks.

by the way - winter is coming... and i still have PTSD from last year.

I'm shopping for a car, trying to decide if I should put my car in retirement since its got 115,000 miles on it and it needs to be babied from now on

(the car has been and continues to be a dream - it seems healthy and happy... wondering if I should garage it and get something somewhat less luxury/sporty/practical for everyday use)

OR trade this car in completely for another one with a lot less miles?

My car is a Black BMW Z4 Roadster 3.0i - soft black top, 
with tan leather interior, standard shift. Love love love it
but nothing lasts forever.











If I keep it... I would get a Jeep Wrangler Unlimited Sport - black with black, standard -

If I trade it... I would get a newer Z, OR a more family friendly convertible (4-series?) OR an equal value porsche boxter - must be black, standard shift.

I'm just talking to myself - and I figure that maybe if I post it, I would feel obligated to myself to make that commitment.

While I am writing this I am watching a youtube video of Alt-J in concert this past September 2 in NYC - debuting This is all yours at Le Poisson Rouge. I wish I was there - they are playing at the Beacon Theatre November 16th - though it seems it's almost sold out. That would be fun.

all distractions

Stay up late

I'm writing this on my mini-iPad for the first time - not my favorite way but I can't bring my iMac

on top of me laying on my bed looking at my pretty gothic wrought iron chandelier against the amber glow.

Sometimes I think that Emily Dickinson was beating around the bush. That kind of seems obvious - though who did she think she was fooling? Or was there a common agreement to just play along because everyone was hiding something.

I just got sucked into a shampoo commercial because they flashed a Dalmatian puppy for a fraction of a second. Brilliant!

• 
  

dust in the wind

I'm researching a concept, trying to find a famous quotation about the wind. I'm curious if someone has written about the beauty of it and how it blows through fabric, creating those billowing shapes, all unique depending on all those little details that all seem so endless. How it blows through the branches in the winter and then the leaves in the summer, transforming from a comfortable rustle to a high pitched crackle as the autumn happens. I want that feeling simplified into a word or a few.

The wind. It's invisible - as if it doesn't even exist, yet it's present almost always - changing the shapes of things, whistling and what not.

The only verses I read are negative... about wicked winds, punishing... as if wind in and of itself were inherently bad.

why? I was looking up images of the American Flag and started noticing about how important a role the wind played in them all. Last week someone asked on linked in or twitter... what it meant to be american... and I couldn't think of an easy answer.

How are we americans different from any other country? What stands us apart from the rest? What is our mission? What is our core belief and how do we want to be represented?

These are the same questions that every brand asks themselves?

Knowing who you are is key - owning it is everything.

I work for a company that was first established in 1752. Its in fact the oldest personal care company in the country. That's something special.

maybe it's like a beautiful old american flag - the wind symbolizing time.

why don't you realize? . . . vienna waits for youu

just got finished practicing my current favorite song to play on the guitar, Vienna - Billy Joel. I can usually play those chords except my "gel" nails are too long... dammit! what is it with these nail salons, that refuse to cut my nails short? I don't get it.

I play anyway... I can pretend that my nails are not pinging the strings ... its still sounds decent and I repeat the last verse... "why don't you realize?.... vienna waits for you" a few times at the end and have fun with the intensity in the finale. i loooovvvveee playing.

It's a great escape - playing - when life feels a little bit overwhelming. Besides my normal routine there is some event or another almost every weekend for months. I try to gearing up for the additional work I have to do during the week, so I can at least enjoy it and try to find time to go to the beach or something.

so the music centers me. playing particularly.

Working on a Gantt chart. There's something about them - and excel spreadsheets that I love - i can't pin point it, but its the same sort of pleasure I feel when I solve a design problem - or figure out how to play a new song.

Haven't been very "social media" social lately - too busy being social. Which btw brings me to that some guy sent me a "let's get acquainted - wink wink" message on my linked in profile and I thought that was very weird- and funny at the same time. I was like... who does that?! I should post my age! that'll stop 'em - lol!

I'm shopping for a Jeep. I want a shiny black wrangler unlimited 2 door - 2012-2014, black leather interior and a soft top and big wheels with heavy treads. ;)

Frozen over-rated!

It's really not a surprise that I did not like the movie "Frozen". Where could I start? Okay, number one: It's an f-ing musical. I am not a fan! I am not a broadway enthusiast. I hate show tunes. My disgust is real and I understand that this sets me apart from apparently most people - or at least the people that speak up. No offense to those very talented performers! Great for them that they have that talent and that there is an audience that continually pays money to see it. I am not one of them. 

Number two: I'm not a fan of the "I'm a girl and therefore a princess" mentality. I am already annoyed at the prospect of seeing a hoard of girls young and old dressing up as Elsa for Halloween. I like strong female characters - like Arya and Khalessi on Game of Thrones - not wussy petite princesses with pointy shoes, and frilly dresses.

That's just me.

Number three: It was such a girlie girl movie! It was too much - like a Thomas Kincaid painting! and it perpetuated the idea that you have to be pretty to have value. 

Number four: What was the moral to the story exactly? Elsa "froze" out her sister for most of her life - runs away to be this lone princess in a frozen castle - which she seemed to enjoy (by the way) - and then comes back to town to realize that Elsa loves her... It's a stupid story.

I'm disappointed! I finally had my parents and my youngest child in one room on Friday movie night - and I feel let down. My 9 year old loved it. Thankfully, he's a boy. I don't think I could handle a daughter who loved it. 

Shoe Porn

I have this shoe. They aren't Yves St Laurent - I think I bought them at Marshalls. I LOVE them. Black Patent leather 6 inch heels with this gorgeous t-strap. So Hot.

Very sarinablackheart.

I've been getting inspired the last few days. It seems as if the busier I get the more excited I am about my ideas of expanding sarinablackheart.

Just finalized a design - a candy bar... can't wait to post it!

Finished a 3 week binge marathon watching of Game of Thrones and loved it even more the second time. 4 more days to Season 4 premiere.

Here is a scenario that would be amazing: The Khaleesi and her dragons walk into each kingdom and release all of the slaves - creating an army of humankind that when presented to King Joffrey - compels him to bow down to Khalessi and surrender, vowing a life of service and humility.

Scenario 2: Cerci kills Joffrey, releasing the evil inside of him - that is then inhaled by the dragons. The dragons become the defenders of the realm from the white walkers.

Either way, Joffrey's got to go.

Game of Thrones binge re-watch 2014

I've been binge re-watching the entire 3 seasons of Game of Thrones to prepare myself for the new season, starting next Sunday night.

It's been enlightening, due to the fact that I did not read the books and typically have trouble remembering narrative. The second watch is so much better than I expected! I am putting things together that I never understood before and even though I know what happens at the culmination of the last season - it doesn't feel like a spoiler alert.

Currently, I am on Season 3 episode 5... and the Khalessi is undoubtable the true Queen of the Realm, and not one of the Kings or Queens even knows that she is a threat. There she is with her Dragons... and legions of warriors - all fighting as free men for her. How could she lose - it is right for her to claim the Iron Throne.

I'm afraid to know what happens in Season 4 because I've heard that the author is merciless.

It's been looking like Winterfell around here lately. I don't want to complain but we have had a hellish winter here in the Northeast and now that it seems as if the cold and snow have lifted, what we are left with is gloom and rain. It's enough to put my house up for sale and move somewhere with endless sunshine.

It is providing an opportunity to stay in doors and take advantage of the binge watch though. Adding to that my love of cooking - results in a house filled with comfort food, wine, and entertainment.

It would be nice to have a fireplace in the kitchen - roaring and giving that ambient light that I see in the Casterly Rock and Kings Landing.

I have a ton of work to get done before the end of the day today for a Product Development presentation tomorrow afternoon. It will include new designs, updates of current designs and use up of old inventory programs.

I seriously to pull out the guitar today for inspiration. I've got two weeks before a mini vacation to Mexico and I have a bunch of work that needs to be done before that date comes.

I want to live in a world full of Love

I actually don't know how all this works. One minute I'm commenting on Linked In and the next it's linked to my blog...

Always mean what you say - is one of my mantras. That and - try not to insult people, even when they piss you off. Let's just say that I'm not perfect.

Here are some things I've been wondering. Why are people so angry? Does the "T" in Tea Party really mean "troll"? No matter where you go in social media there is this mean-spirited, disrespectful, dispassionate, (dare I say bullying) tone out there that doesn't seem to be letting up.

What is it?! What do these people want anyway? We're confronting a world that is increasingly dangerous, with extreme weather putting large populations of the world at risk on a fairly regular and consistent basis.

Does anyone ever wonder how the people of Syria can kill each other? Extremists. Intolerance. The inability to choose to work together even if if means not always getting your way.

We've got to start teaching each other and our children to love and tolerate each other because we're on that path and it's fed by the trolls. It's disgraceful.

The people in Arizona who tried to pass that law in the guise of "religious freedom" - if they were truly Christian they would know that they are the ones going to hell for all of the hate they spread. Jesus was a beautiful, loving and tolerant man. What ever happened to treating your neighbor they way you would want to be treated?

I'm tired of listening to the Fox News idiots day after day - spreading propaganda about how everything thats wrong is Obama's fault. John McCain is such a disappointment - even he has the nerve to insult my intelligence on a regular basis.

How did this all happen? Is this where all the supremacists went? It's f-ing ridiculous and I am so sick of it. These people should be fired. They are wasting our time and our money. Can't we sue them somehow - for breach of contract. They are doing the opposite of what they should be doing and they are living on our hard earned dollars.

What does Sarah Palin do anyway? Who pays her to spew that BS she calls information. She is despicable.

Mean what you say... try not to insult people. But she is so hateful - evil! and I mean that. She and her cohorts are ruining this country and making it hostile and dangerous. They are teaching our children to hate and to be bullies. They are riling up the mentally unstable and creating a culture of trolls.

Is that the kind of world we want to live in?

My own private Idaho

The ideas don't come to me on demand. Most of my genius comes to me when I'm sitting in the hot tub looking at the stars. It's amazing how many I have then! I tell myself that I have to write them down later and then I inevitably fall asleep.

So I sit here in front of my keyboard completely confounded as to how I could forget such brilliance.

Frustrating.

I picked up my guitar yesterday for the first time in two weeks. My fingers hurt because the calluses wore down and the playing sucked because my nails grew a bit too long - but it felt great just as well and I played the songs I knew best - so I could practice... Pink Floyd's "Wish you were here" and The Decemberist's "Why we Fight".

I like to sing too, and it helps me get into it emotionally... pretty sure it wouldn't be entertaining to anyone else but me, but that's totally not the point.

When I'm playing I lose myself in a sense, or maybe it's the opposite - I lose a sense of the world around me. It's such a gift to be able to entertain yourself that way. Feeling that rhythm and being able to express the emotion in the song by controlling the pressure you place on the strings, intensifying the volume and tension.

I know little about how to read music - and don't, I just feel my way through it, learn the chords to favorite songs and just play.

I'm my own rock star. I don't need anyone to validate that for me.

Superhero warriors fighting against status quo dragons

I read "Creativity takes Courage" post a few days ago in Linked in by Randy Neuemeier from Liquid Agency and just had to comment. I've said before and I'm sure you've heard it told that this business is not easy. Having been in it for over 25 years (yikes!) I've experienced a lot. Never worked for an agency - never wanted to - instead, always as the in-house creative and most often as the lone or head creative in small to mid-size companies. The commonality of all of these was the constant battle of fighting against the status quo of safe design solutions. I lost most times because the non-creatives were afraid - they didn't want to take risks and be innovative, they wanted the sure thing... which of course led to a sea of sameness, boredom.

Part of it was money, how much it costs to create something innovative versus using stock bottles, the cost of using hot stamp vs PMS 877, it's incredible how every change you make is looked at in terms of pennies per piece and how that affects the margin.

And even if you had the most innovative design you still need the marketing behind it, then the sales - and the capital investment to make that initial launch successful - easier to just do what the guy next door does and just hope the Sales team can make it sound unique and different.

Companies for a long time have been fearing for their lives and instead of looking to those who think creatively, they are looking those who study money. Or, they get sold by big agencies who are really great at selling themselves - but often seem to have a lack of interest or care with what happens once the design gets approved (and they get paid). And why should they really?

My company was built on the idea that it takes a bit of a superhero spirit to make a difference in this world. I fight for the "little" guy who can't necessarily afford big agencies, or are just tired of them... the smaller companies that have great ideas that they need to get off the ground, need quality design and a real person that can get them to the next level - branding, design and product development. Probably sounds silly, but sarinablackheart keeps my warrior spirit strong.

Maybe one day the planets will align and I'll figure out what that one product is that everyone wants to have, design it. produce it and make a ton of money so I can live on a beach in the warm sun - and sip cool lemonade ... forever -

okay, so maybe I'm a bit of a dreamer too.

#boomtownrats

I don't like facebook. I've been trying to figure out why. Overall, I think people share too much - but what I really think is that what they share is sort of the same information you get in small talk... that thing that makes me cringe at the thought of an office party.

I don't like small talk. For me it just feels like a waste of time, like your filling up space with words that don't mean anything just to avoid having to fill it with information that tells me who you really are, and what you really think.

I'm sure I do the same thing, which is why I don't share much - it feels inauthentic and forced - uncomfortable.

I really want to know who you are and what you think. I want to know what you believe in, what you fear. Isn't that what life is all about anyway?

This fake friendship that facebook offers is depressing. I'm disillusioned by the use of the word "friend", and "like" because it feels false and disingenuous.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that my "friends" mean to be this way - it's just the way this thing functions, draws you in to "share" and creating a public persona as sort of as a smoke and mirror trick - "look at the shiny ball over here" while my real life is over here - and something that you can not see.

I'd rather hear about the real stuff.

I'll probably change my mind about this tomorrow, when the sun comes out and I'm driving to Edison on a crappy Monday morning - I don't like Mondays. #boomtownrats

How did I get here?

An old Talking Heads song from years ago, before I "got" here - reminds me how random and unpredictable life is.

Sometimes I think I should've gone to an academic college - a sprawling college campus, where everyone lived in dorms, partied too much and "hooked up" a lot.

I missed out on that - and sometimes I regret it.

I lived in Manhattan instead, took the subway, walked a lot - everywhere, went to clubs and found cool little jobs (mechanical artist for a printer, stylist for a photographer)... I would take the bus up to Binghamton on an occasional weekend to visit my boyfriend who lived in a suite with three other guys - none of whom knew how to clean a bathroom. It was my visits that called them into action for that task (otherwise I refused to go).

I had fun on those weekends, but I was a tourist entering a world of college isolation from the world.

At FIT, I was able to experience the real world. It was scary actually. I was afraid to walk into a bar by myself, I was afraid to take the subway. Slowly I assimilated and grew to love it. The anonymity among millions... where I could walk down the street and no one could "see " me.

It always amazed me how little money I could spend. I was on the "meal plan" so that took care of that - but I literally remember spending $7.00 per day on extras. Coming from a family with not a lot of money - that was helpful. I did spend a lot of money on art supplies though - remember those?

FIT was filled with creative people. Fashion industry creatives as opposed to fine artists and bohemians. I liked being a part of that. At one point I though I could major in fashion design, but as a product of a blue collar upbringing - it just wasn't practical. I couldn't afford to be a fine artist or a struggling fashion designer, I needed to make money and be independent.

Advertising Design - then a Bachelors in Package Design - choosing that over upper level Ad design because I was more interested in the aesthetics of selling rather than the psychological aspects. Plus, I just did not like Ad people. Cut throat and nasty was how I saw them... and I'm a lover not a fighter.

So here I am - 25 years later... meandering through a handful of really great jobs that taught me about small business manufacturing, marketing, product development and design.

Finally! after all this time of wanting to step out on my own and be independent.. it happened, I happened - life happens... and I am grateful.

#notetoself

I write notes on my iphone. Notes to self... little bits of wisdom that I need to memorialize somehow because they are worth keeping. Did you ever notice that there is no command Z, or undo. I've accidentally completely deleted the most awesome thoughts I ever had - then couldn't remember them quite the same perfect way.

I'll give you a few examples of notes I've posted for myself:

Local native Breakers

I'm like a river

It's on by Broncho

If life were a song...

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with them. Should I copy the "important" ones and save it on an official document?

Am I saving them to share them later? Am I afraid of sharing?
I'm territorial about it. Yet, paradoxically - my personality is very open. Maybe I'm delusional.

The whole idea of sarinablackheart is pretty awesome. I have all these cool stories about her and her character - but I always felt that it all had to happen organically and when it was the right time I would elaborate - flesh it out. But what I am learning is that no matter how great an idea is, you can't do it all yourself, at some point you have to get other people involved.

At some point you have to open up.

The futile life of a Penguin

Penguins have such a sad life,

I don't understand it. Just watched

@CNNFilms presents March of the Penguins

and just don't understand the point

of their existence.

Yes! They are undoubtably beautiful creatures! Incredibly graceful, and equally silly and adorable - and in my favorite colors: stark black and white with accents of color. Gorgeous and beautiful.

It seems as if they live their lives walking 70 miles to and from the ocean as a routine plan for survival. It 's f-ing crazy! Why not collectively move a little closer? Why not find (or make) a cave to hang out in - knowing that the harsh winter storms will inevitably come. Why aren't they adapting and evolving in a way that makes them suffer less. Why aren't they learning?

Nature is supposed to make sense. Do they exist as food for the vultures? the bullhead seals?

What is the grand plan of creating an animal that produces an egg that can't survive without being constantly warmed by the mother (then the father, after a ridiculous transfer from one to the other before the mother risks all of their lives with her 70 mile trek back to the ocean for food)?

Why such short wings?

The only happiness they ever experience is way too brief for all this suffering. Sweet and happy they do seem in the nurturing and raising of their baby penguin. It's too cute to imagine. Yet, even this over the top happiness does not make up for their life as a whole. It still seems to be futile and meaningless.

Someone knows a happier ending to the story out there. Please tell me!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!
We're watching the news right now and it's all about #Hercules... the big winter storm.

I'm kind of excited about it mainly because I don't have to travel in it! But equally because of how beautiful it will be. I love that … the soft downy blanket of white all over the hills around our home.
You don't get that everywhere and it is really the silver lining.

I am happy that the "holidays" are over - to be sure.